For starter, I should acknowledge the fact that I have a great job. Who wouldn't be happy watching videos all day? Right?I have built my career around content and even though I started in Television, I was always a lot more interested in new media and new video technology so going the digital route made sense. (Hopefully one day I'll get to work in the video game world). However, I have no talent. I am no writer or producer. I have no imagination. I am not an engineer or a tech person either. What I do have though, is a sharp critical mind that spots what works and what doesn't. That's the reason why I am an editor.
Being a content editor in the digital space is very rewarding but at the same time frustrating and a little overwhelming. There are so many great creations out there that it is very tricky to do a perfect job. Also, there is popular content on the forefront of this business that, to an editor's eye, shouldn't be there. I live for the days I have to curate and edit content from Scott DW but I very much dread having to watch Seven Super Girls' episodes. In full. Like, the whole thing. I watch a wide breath of content every day and not only does it sometimes shocks me to know millions of people are watching this below average content, it makes me feel totally inadequate.
Here I see thousands of people who have the drive and the talent to create something out of nothing and become successful at it. Even if most might not have the PewDiePie numbers behind them, they still get great pocket money out of it and most importantly, they have fun doing it. I always found myself to be a hobbyless person but working on YouTube content totally highlighted that fact even more. And should I have any, I wouldn't know how to turn one of my passion into something lucrative. I do not have that mindset of an entrepreneur. I love video games so I am going to try and work for a developer one day but that's really all I can do. I am not going to have a successful gaming channel or write a story or crazy things like that! To me, these YouTube creators are more than just talented at what they do, they are fucking builders. They are extremely resourceful and driven and that is something I envy. Am I more boring or less charismatic than most of these people? I don't think so. But I do not have that instinct of creating something and making an idea come to life. This is extremely frustrating to me and it always was. My dad was a business owner and built a little empire. I could never do that. I am sure I have exploitable skills and knowledge to make a business successful, but I just do not have the vision. Working on other people's vision is what I am destined to do I suppose, and I should just be happy with that. However, everybody strives to be relevant and have purpose in life. The YouTube and Digital stardom phenomenon shifted that quest in a weird, virtual, instant gratification direction and made me feel even worse about myself. I am an expert in my field and I should be proud of that but I hope one day I will be able to visualize something of my own, anything, that I can make into reality.
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