I will get the good points out of the way right now so that we can focus on the bad, and there is a lot. As always with The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, the very good point is that it is a great work of fantasy. You have your dragons, your elves, your orcs, your wizards and your dwarves. I am behind that type of content100% and I was glad to see all of the races back for that film. It is also very enjoyable to see the lore take shape one last time on screen. One other good point is Martin Freeman. He's still the best Bilbo that could have ever been in my opinion and he doesn't disappoint here either. Legolas is still kicking major ass and it's always pleasing to watch a fight where you know the good guy is going to be victorious. Also the hair. Then the last thing I have to point out that didn't make me either yawn or facepalm was the well choreographed final fight between Thorin and Azog. Usually, fantasy makes me so excited and entertains me so much, but not this time around I am afraid. What the hell did they do? I heard some people say that this movie was packed with action and I agree that you have quite a lot of fights and things happening, but every single scene in between was bloody slow and boring as hell. They slowed down some dialogue and made it look way too dramatic. Because of that change of pace I had a hard time really connecting with the characters. They didn't really offer any appeal either when they were having conversations, the dialogue was either cheesy or bland and hollow. It was also so predictable. That means that unfortunately when some members of the party died, I couldn't care less. I was like "oh, he's dead. Oh well". Get on with the fight.
I am going to offer a comparison here that might anger some but others might agree: I felt like I was playing Skyrim. I mean it's pretty and all, you have all the right people in the mix, you have all the right ingredients but the story doesn't make a lot of sense, you don't really care for it and most importantly, you don't give a fuck about who you meet. When I say the story doesn't make sense, I mean that the way it has been put on film is unbelievable. What the hell is wrong with those dwarves? I do not find it remotely believable that 12 dwarves who see their king go mad, acknowledge the fact that it is happening, cannot tie his ass and just give the good townspeople their share of the treasure. Even more so when you know that these dwarves are pretty decent people. I didn't buy it. Everything seemed forced because the character development was very weak and the dialogue was blah. That is also why I didn't believe in the romance between Kili and Tauriel. Also, Thranduil you little moody bastard, you tell Tauriel that her love is not real and literally 5 minutes later she asks you why it hurts so much to see her lover die and you touchingly say"because it was real". BARF. The last terrible element of that movie is unfortunately the mise en scene. You are doing something wrong when you go from massive CGI landscapes that show a gigantic city to a tiny "street" where even a hobbit would feel claustrophobic. That just doesn't work.
I don't know what you thought of it and I might have approached it the wrong way but the only reason I was glad to watch this movie was to feel like I was in Dragon Age. I mean, Frostback Mountains anybody? True story, I found myself holding the controller for some reason in the middle of the film. That was the single laugh I had in the entire movie. Oh and the troll head butting the wall, that was neat. Other than that, come on, a little comedy won't kill the mood. Ask Varric for pointers next time.
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