I remember one day at school, a friend of mine told me "where there's a will, there's a way." I also clearly remember the first episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer where the lead character's motto was "life is short." She goes on saying that it is "not original [...] but it's true. [...] Seize the moment. 'Cause tomorrow you might be dead".
These two quotes are roughly what I have been living by since I was 10 years old. The moment I set my sights on something, I achieved it and I didn't worry about what other people thought of me. I didn't even stop to consider whether I was doing the right thing or not. I was on a mission and that mission was achieving my dream. It was and it still is the reason why I wake up every morning. However, I do not believe that there is one dream to be achieved in one's lifetime. No. There are many. Once, my dream was to work for Fox. I started my career as a production coordinator in sports media. I liked sports, I liked journalism, it totally made sense to me. Even though it wasn't the job I ultimately wanted, I gave it my all and learnt a million thing about me and where I wanted to go from there. I was very pragmatic and I knew I couldn't just knock on Fox's door right out of college, I was never a fool. Optimistic, sure. Aggressively enthusiastic, you bet. Unrealistic, never. So I put my head down and kept on working hard all the while trying to find a path to my ultimate destination. Patience and motivation paid off and when it was finally time to fulfill my dream, my drive and my resourcefulness won the day. I was in. I did accomplish my dream and reveled in it for some time. Then came the time to move on and fulfill another dream. Perhaps this can be called something different, like life goals, but it is what drives me and help me get as close as possible to my kind of success.
When I was a student, my only driver was that abstract need of being good in school. I believed it would get me to where I was supposed to go even though the destination was completely unclear. I stopped at nothing to be the best, even though it came out as narcissistic and psychotic. I did not have any friends, I was bullied and I ate most of my lunches in the bathroom. Even so, I didn't want to understand why this was happening to me and I was not inclined to change who I was just to please others. In my mind, they were the ones missing out on all the fun of tough assignments and surprise tests. I was also brash, selfish and intolerant; some of the blame can ultimately be shared. However, I never backed down or retreated to the average way of doing things. I kept moving forward to University, realizing my dream of studying in an English speaking country.
Having grown up in the smallest town imaginable in rural France, this was an achievement I was very proud of. I studied for a time in Australia and finished my studies in England. All these aspirations came right out of Buffy The Vampire Slayer. This horrendously dubbed TV Show opened my eyes to a world of possibility. It introduced me to US entertainment and the beautiful English language. It taught me self-esteem and perseverance. The latter is so very important, especially for women in the industry I am working in. In my opinion, there is no finer trait than perseverance. It will carry you to where you want to go, it will keep you up at night studying for finals, it will introduce you to your ugliest weaknesses and force you to grow. Fighting for your dreams requires perseverance as it makes you patient and makes you tough. I would have never been able to find a job in this industry without perseverance.
I wouldn't have been able to move to the United States without perseverance either. I remember having dinner with my parents when I was 12 and telling them, very solemnly: "mom, dad, I want to go live in California." Both of them looked at me like my classmates usually looked at me. I thought about it constantly for four years and they finally sent me to America for my 16th birthday. I came back for a few internships but there was no clear path for me to move to the USA as immigration is a nightmare. So I waited for my time to come, always keeping my eyes wide open for any opportunity that would form on the horizon. Hope started to glimmer when my partner's company mentioned they were looking for someone in Los Angeles. He was qualified for the role and I lobbied hard for him to make it happen. It was the hardest, most stressful and harrowing time of my life. Immigrating to a country that does not want you through a company that does very little to help you get there is extremely distressing. However, I persevered. I spent hours rewriting immigration letters and a thousand more hours following up on status and paperwork. This is the only reason why we are now living in California.
I felt very aimless and drained of aspiration after moving to the US. I had achieved such a feat that there was not a lot of time left to think about my career and what my next dream could be. When I finally sat down and asked myself those questions, I realized I had just been stalling. I stopped moving forward towards my dream career because I didn't know what it was anymore. I kept taking the easy way out and the path of less resistance. And this is not me, not by a long shot. I realized that I needed to find my drive again, and I did. Unfortunately for me, I decided that I wanted to use my skills and experience to make something I was truly passionate about: video games. That's unfortunate, because, well, I have no degree in anything remotely related to video game design and even though I have worked in entertainment, game marketing and technology, this technically does not qualify as "having shipped a game." Who would have thought?? I obviously couldn't get my foot in the door the usual way as I was not fresh out of college and was definitely not willing to negate all the skills and experience I had accumulated throughout the years. So I reached out to some of the people I admire and regard as models and asked for advice. I worked tirelessly, every night, on my resume and my cover letters. I learnt additional skills and signed up for an online course. I did everything I could to give myself an edge and try and compete with professionals who had been in the industry for years. There were a lot of resumes sent. There were not a lot of responses.
When I thought I would have to settle for something that wasn't quite right but could potentially be the start of a parallel path, I received a call that, undoubtedly, changed my life. I was going to be a video game producer. The ideal role I was so desperate to find. Someone decided to be open-minded and was able to look at my resume in its entirety and catch a glimpse of the type of individual I was. I remain confident that this person wouldn't have been the only one. I do believe that with perseverance and patience, someone else would have come along to validate my aspirations. Turns out, I was right to go after my dream and the hiring manager was right to be flexible. I am a damn good producer. And part of this is due to me being qualified and right for this job but most of it is due to having fiercely persisted and pressed on to get to where I am. I won't just give 100%, I will give 200%, ever single day, because you can't be laid back about something you have craved for so long.
Hope never gets you very far, and I will never give a meaningless advice like "never lose hope." Sure, lose the hope. Trade it for hard work and for perseverance and for focus. Trade it for strength and for patience. Never give up. There are many things outside of your control and these things should be acknowledged and understood but the rest, every single other thing in your life you have control over, should be your bitch.
My dreams are back and are more alive than ever. I love what I do and I am the happiest when I am at the office, knowing that I am allowed to do what I worked so hard to get. The ultimate dream is still a long way away but I know I can make it there. I am on the right path, learning, growing and should this dream never be fulfilled, I would have been the most grateful, the most driven and the most enthusiastic participant of them all; because I made the most out of this beautiful journey, always looking ahead with big bright eyes. And should I fulfill this dream of mine, I surely will write again, this time, about how I became an Astronaut. I am pretty sure they have space walking seminars at Bioware.
